Motherhood Archives - Page 11 of 11 - Marybeth Heckler | Blog

Training Your Kids to Be More Independent

Written by Marybeth Heckler on July 21, 2019. Posted in Motherhood.

If you’re a parent, you probably read stories online about adult children still living in their parents’ basement and think, “That will never be my kids.” But the fact is, their parents probably thought the same thing at one point.

Possibly the greatest attribute you can give your children is the ability to be independent. But this isn’t something that you start trying to develop in their late teenage years and it’s not a trait that they are going to just pick up on their own.

With that in mind, here are some tips on how to help train your kids from early on to be more independent:

Do some soul-searching—First off, you need to determine if you are the biggest hindrance to your child’s independence. Ask yourself, honestly, if you find yourself doing tasks for your child just because it’s easier to do it yourself. If that’s the case, then you will need to change some things in your own life to make sure that you can help them become independent.
Chores are a good thing—The next thing you need to do is determine what chores your child can conceivably do at their age. Even smaller children can still be expected to do things like picking up their toys and putting them away. As they get older, tasks such as making the bed, dressing, and brushing their teeth on their own can be added. As they develop more and more responsibility, you can “take the training wheels off” and expect them to do these tasks without being reminded. This establishes early on that you expect them to do things by themselves and that these will eventually have to be done without you having to hound them about it.
So is failure—Another thing that parents have to get over is the idea that their children should never fail at something. This is totally unrealistic. We all fail sometimes, and the truly mature adult is the one who can learn from his or her failures and ensure that they don’t follow this same path again. If you are a helicopter parent who swoops in to rescue your child every time it looks like they are going to mess up or fail, then you will probably spend the rest of your life doing just this. Failure isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

Independence is something that every parent wants for their children. But in order to make your child responsible, it’s necessary for you to loosen the reins and let them get out there themselves and fail if possible. If you have teenagers and you insist on doing everything for them and protect them from every potential negative consequence, then you may want to go ahead and clean a space out for them in the basement because it might be a while before they get out on their own.

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Financial Independence Strategies for Moms

Written by Marybeth Heckler on June 30, 2019. Posted in Motherhood.

Let’s face it: trying to raise a kid (or kids!) can be a terrifying proposition in this day and age. One of the main reasons why it gets so scary is the cost that is involved. Kids aren’t cheap.

According to one study, the cost of raising a child for 17 years will run you almost $250,000. All of this can put a strain on your finances, particularly if you are a single mom trying to handle it alone.

If you are in this situation, it’s probably time to sit down and do an examination of your finances so that you can declare your own financial independence.

Assess where you stand—The first thing you need to do is to learn how to do a budget. First, look at your past three months (or even the past year’s) spending and sort things into three levels. The first should be for absolute essential purchases and bills, such as mortgage/rent, utilities, car payment, and the like. The second should be for things that are essential (or pretty close) but that you may have some “wiggle room” with, such as phone bill and groceries. The third should be your absolute nonessential bills. This would include that daily Frappuccino from Starbucks, your shoe and purse collection, and your subscriptions to things like Netflix and Spotify.
Say goodbye to the last section—That third pile of nonessential bills are going to have to go bye-bye (at least until you get more stability in your finances). Sure, these are items that you are going to miss, but they are not something that will destroy your life if you get rid of them. If you are spending $5 a day every workday at Starbucks, then cutting that out will save you over $1250 a year. Just cutting out these types of expenses for a couple of years may hurt at first, but it will allow you to pay off your debts and be more stable with your finances.
Adjust the middle section—Start looking carefully at those bills that you can adjust each month. When it comes to groceries, remember that there is nothing wrong with being a coupon and sales shopper. Also, consider getting a membership to a wholesale club like Costco and buy everything in bulk so you can save money in the long-run. Also, look at things like your Internet and phone bills and see if you can cut those back to the absolute minimum. Remember, every penny counts.
Pick up a second job—This may sound hard to do if you have children, especially ones who need constant care or those who have to be shuttled around by mom’s taxi service. But there are several jobs that you can do from home, including everything from medical coding to blogging. Now’s the time to explore some of these part-time options that can give you a secondary income that will help you get out of debt faster. Once you can get rid of those pesky credit card bills, you can cut back and still maintain your independence.

Financial independence isn’t something that is going to happen overnight. But with some time and careful planning (and a good bit of sacrifice), you can get things on track so that you can stop living paycheck-to-paycheck.

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How Moms Can Take Back a Bit of Independence

Written by Marybeth Heckler on June 24, 2019. Posted in Motherhood.

Being a mother can be a wonderful and beautiful experience. But one of the biggest complaints that I hear from other moms is that they feel like they lose their own identity once the kids are born. They suddenly become this monolithic being called “MOM” and have to spend every moment of their day focused on their kids to the point that they don’t really have time for themselves.

The good news is there is a way to work past this so that you can reclaim a bit of your independence and become a fully realized individual. The key to all of these is to find a way to manage your time. But once you do that, you can take back your independence in several areas.

Here’s how:

Physical Independence—It’s a fact that as we get older, our bodies start to fall apart on us. One of my favorite quotes from Dolly Parton in Steel Magnolias is, “Honey, time marches on, and sooner or later, you realize it’s marching across your face.” But with that in mind, we still want to hold onto our youthful looks and physical energy and being a full-time mom can really sap that out of you. Exercise may not be on your radar, but it needs to be. If you have small kids, load them up in a stroller, give them a bottle or some juice, and just walk around the neighborhood. If your children are old enough to walk, have them join you. (A little exercise never hurt anyone.) But while you are walking, plug in your headphones and tune out the world a little just so you can focus on your physical well-being, but also so you can stay inside your own head for a little while and just think about the things that matter to you.
Mental Independence—You’ve got to work your mind a little each and every day or else it’s going to atrophy. This can seem hard if the highlight of mental activity for your day is reading “Goodnight Moon” for the millionth time. It’s important to always have a book handy so that you can keep your mind working on more mature ideas. If you are rolling your eyes thinking, “How am I ever going to read a book?” then don’t worry. Today, you can easily get an audiobook to listen to in every minute of “me time” that you have. This can be when you are taking those neighborhood walks I mentioned in my last point, when you are cleaning the house, or when you are driving the kids to soccer practice. Reclaim every moment that you can and do something that will help you grow independently.
Spiritual Independence—This one is a little trickier because it’s not something you can really multi-task. But set aside ten minutes each day for quiet, personal reflection. Once the kiddies are tucked away for the night, turn down the lights and just listen to the world around you. If you choose meditation, that’s great. If you call it “vegetation” instead, then that works too. Just spend some quiet time with your own thoughts and you will be amazed at how much of yourself you can liberate.

These are three areas that any woman needs to work on to help find the fully actualized version of who they are and who they want to be. Motherhood should not be seen as an impediment to these goals. Instead, you just need to work on your time management so that you can reclaim a little bit more of yourself and choose independence.

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Backyard Summer Camp Ideas for Stay-at-Home Moms

Written by Marybeth Heckler on June 17, 2019. Posted in Motherhood.

If you are trying to be a parent on a budget, then you know that summer camps may sound great, but they can really be expensive. That’s why so many stay-at-home moms are trying to turn their own backyards into a summer camp experience.

This way, you can keep the kids occupied, engage them physically and mentally in worthwhile activities, and you don’t have to break your bank.

Here are some ideas on how you can turn your home into a backyard summer camp:

The first things you are going to want to do is get organized and collect supplies.

When it comes to organization, just remember three key areas that the average summer camp takes care of: physical activities, arts and crafts, and evening/social activities. Try to schedule activities around these three areas. Also, be sure to stock up on cheap art supplies. (The Dollar Store is a good place to pick these up.)

Morning Activities—I find it easier to split the activities up by time of day. The morning is usually best for athletic and physical activities because of the heat. You don’t really want to spend the hottest part of the day outside and sweating, so schedule them for the morning. I also like to have about five main activities that I can rotate around so that they don’t do them each and every day.
You might want to include time at the local pool (always a favorite), archery (a perennial summer camp favorite that you can enjoy at a local range), golfing (or at least hitting a few buckets on the driving range), bowling, or just going for a walk in the park or around the neighborhood. If you have a lot of kids in your neighborhood, consider organizing a softball or kickball game.

Afternoon Activities—The afternoon should be about arts and crafts and more mentally engaging activities. These don’t have to be very expensive, but again, variety helps. You can load up on cheap art supplies to do everything from painting to coloring to origami. But you can also include mentally engaging activities, like writing an original story, reading, and completing jigsaw puzzles. You can also use this time to help your child learn a new skill like photography or cooking.
Evening Activities—If you really want to go for the camp experience, then consider getting a camping tent and setting it up in the backyard with a sleeping bag. This is when you should just sit around and talk with your kids. Have them tell you stories and tell them some from your childhood as well. Older kids may balk, but they still like to hear stories, especially if you tell them around a campfire. And don’t forget to make some S’mores on that fire.

This year, you don’t have to send your kids off to an expensive summer camp or even a local day camp. You can work to create the same experience in your own backyard.

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Why Moms Should Take Time to Be Creative

Written by Marybeth Heckler on March 7, 2019. Posted in Holidays, Motherhood.

If you spend any time on social media, you can often be in for a very humbling experience.

Many moms look at their peers on Facebook and Instagram and marvel at the creative work that they can accomplish while the rest of us are still trying to get a latte to jumpstart our mornings. But it doesn’t have to be that way, nor should it be that way.

March is International Ideas Month and March 8^th is International Women’s Day. Let’s celebrate both of these events together with a look at why moms should take the time to be creative.

The need for inspiration—One of the difficulties of being a mom is that you often feel like you are stuck in a world of little kids with no time for yourself or adult conversations. (There’re only so many times you can sing “The Wheels on the Bus” before you snap!)

By expressing yourself creatively, you can get back in touch with a side of yourself that you may have thought went away when you gave birth. If you feel like your creativity has been pushed to the backburner, then spend a day reconnecting with your creative side. Visit a museum or take a walk alone in the park. Send the kids off with the grandparents and spend the day listening to old music or writing poetry. Whatever inspires you and moves you emotionally is a great choice.

Take a class—You may be delighted to discover that there are many resources in the community for expressing yourself. If you live in an area with a small community college, you may want to take a class in photography, art, creative writing, or even cooking. (Anyone who has watched an episode of Chopped can attest that food can be a great way to be creative.)

But you don’t have to set aside that much time for your creative side. Have a girls’ night out at your local “wine and art” shop in order to get together with others, have a glass or two of vino, and then paint something that you can take home and put on the wall.

Beat the baby blues—Postpartum depression is a very real thing that affects thousands of women each year. But one way to fight any type of depression is with creativity and expression. Even if it is nothing more than keeping a journal of your thoughts, you are enabling yourself to express your ideas. This can help keep you sane when the challenges of motherhood start crowding in.

This March, spend some time caring for yourself for a change and learn how to express your creative side. If you get in touch with this key area of your life, you will find your mood elevated and your home life much better.

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Why Moms Love Living in Denver

Written by Marybeth Heckler on February 28, 2019. Posted in Denver, Motherhood.

Denver is a popular city that’s been growing steadily for about a decade. Ask any Denver mom, and they’re guaranteed to tell you it’s a great city for fun family activities, indoors or out.

But Denver’s also a great place for spoiling yourself and spending some “me time” to rejuvenate the body and spirit. Here are some of the best spots in Denver for moms who need a little self-care this month:

5 Star Salt Caves — If you want a day spa experience unlike any other, then check out this man-made “salt” cave. The entire center surrounds the cave, which is made of Himalayan salt. Here, you can relax in a quiet environment and breathe in the salt-infused air – which is said to improve sinuses and breathing. In addition to salt therapy, the spa also features other traditional therapies such as saunas, massages, and footbaths.
Upstairs Circus – Although this is better enjoyed with friends, it’s also a place you can come on your own to relax and get crafty. You can pay one fee for a variety of daily craft options and then design and craft all kinds of things including homemade jewelry and paintings as well as projects for the house such as key racks and serving trays.
Movie Night – You don’t have to go see the latest blockbuster or yet another Disney cartoon. The Alamo Drafthouse in Littleton features special presentations of older movies in an unusual setting. One of their regular Signature Series features is an older, elegant movie such as Little Women or Sense & Sensibility, and you can skip the popcorn and enjoy high tea and biscuits or finger sandwiches. Or get the girls together for a night out dancing at the movies. Recent Dance Party nights have featured Brittney Spears and the Backstreet Boys for some flashback hits.
BookBar – If you prefer a small, independent bookstore with real books rather than those big box stores or eBook readers, then you should check out this combination bookstore and wine bar. You can listen to a poetry reading, meet an author and get an autograph, or pick up a new book and curl up with a nice glass of wine.

Denver is a great city to explore and relax in. But for moms especially, it is filled with activities and opportunities that provide a break from the kids.

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Moms & Self-Care: Taking Care of You This Month

Written by Marybeth Heckler on February 7, 2019. Posted in Motherhood.

Being a mom often means putting everyone else’s comfort and happiness ahead of your own. We’re always taking care of others even when we’re sick, missing out on opportunities because we can’t work it into the family calendar. In general, we run ourselves down when we don’t make time to stop and take a breather.

For February, I’d like to challenge all the moms out there to spend some time committing acts of self-care.

It doesn’t have to be anything elaborate or grand. But here are some ways that you can do a little something for yourself and make February all about self-care.

Get out of the house—At least once this month, you should find a sitter (or enlist your significant other to help out) and go out and do something that you like to do. Hang out with your best friends at the coffee shop and get caught up, with the condition that there is to be no “kid talk.” (You don’t want to just spend the time rehashing doctor’s appointments and report cards.)

If that isn’t your thing, just find a quiet corner of a park or library to curl up with a good book. But make sure that you go somewhere that you can be alone and uninterrupted by a hundred other demands.

Change something—You will be amazed at how a new outfit or a different hairdo can make you feel like a new woman. Take part in some retail therapy and treat yourself to some new clothes or head down to the salon and get your trusted stylist to recommend something new. While you’re there, treat yourself to a full range of relaxation with a mani/pedi and a massage, if possible.
Unleash your artistic side—Head out to your local art studio and get creative. Many of these now feature “Mom’s Night Out” type events and many of them also feature wine while you paint. (Score!) Just let yourself spend a few hours doing something relaxing without having your children yell “Mom” to bring you out of your peaceful state of mind.

The New Year has barely begun and many of us are already feeling like we need a recharge. Spend some time this month doing just that with some special moments of self-care. If you get into the habit of spending some time on yourself, then hopefully you can continue this trend throughout the year and save yourself from a serious case of burnout later on.

Is It Possible to Achieve Balance?

Written by Marybeth Heckler on January 24, 2019. Posted in Motherhood.

With the New Year, a lot of people are making resolutions that are meant to change their lives for the better. For some, this means exercising more and eating right. For others, it could mean spending time meditating each day or doing something meaningful such as reading more or volunteering.

But one thing that I’ve been hearing a lot from people is the need to find balance in their lives. It just seems like one thing or another is tugging at them so much that they feel like other parts are suffering as a result.

So how does one achieve balance in his or her life? Let’s look at how to do just that:

Realize that you need balance—If you have decided that you need more balance in your life, then congratulations! You have taken the first step by acknowledging that this is something you need to work on: you’ve admitted there’s a problem! Now, you can work toward fixing it.
Journaling—Once you’ve acknowledged a problem exists, one way to get your ideas down is with journaling. The free-writing of ideas without self-censorship helps you identify where your problems lie. Journaling uncovers ideas on how to correct these problems by helping you set goals for yourself.
Set goals—This last part is very important. You should list out all the things that occupy your daily activities and then reflect on which ones mean the most to you and which ones should be left by the wayside. This reprioritizing of your activities and concerns will help you to shift the out of balance elements into more focus.
Make a plan—If you really want to achieve balance, it’s important to get organized. Part of this is to set individual goals — a personal to-do list. Take care of the things that absolutely must be done. But then make sure that you are putting in time each day, each week, and each month for the things that matter — your family, your friends, and, ultimately, yourself.
Anticipate problem areas—When you are working on your goals and to-do list, be sure to anticipate problem areas that will creep in to distract you from your goals. These can include everything from time-killers like TV and social media that draw you into a vortex of wasted hours, to other problems like doubts and personal fears. All of these should be anticipated and you should also think about how you can deal with each one so that they don’t sidetrack you.
Reflecting—When you set up your to-do list, make sure that you set aside some time regularly, at least once a week, to reflect on your goals and your progress toward achieving them. You should also give yourself time to just sit and think – it doesn’t have to be about anything deep or important. Many of us have forgotten about the power of personal reflection and relaxing thought.

Finding balance in our modern world can be a tall order. But if you take the time to plan and anticipate where you will have issues, then you can achieve that perfect balance in the New Year.

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How Moms Can Celebrate “Be On Purpose Month”

Written by Marybeth Heckler on January 3, 2019. Posted in Motherhood.

As the New Year begins to unfold, many of us have put our resolutions into action because we are looking for a change in our lives. It seems as if January is that one month of the year when major changes are not only accepted but sought after.

We want to use this time to make our lives better and that’s where “Be On Purpose Month” comes in. There are several ways that you can celebrate this time of reaffirming your goal of finding your life’s purpose and how to achieve it.

Here are just a few ways that busy moms can celebrate this time and find their purpose.

Journaling—One way to truly affirm your purpose and to reflect on your own life is by writing it down. Sure, if you’re a mom, you’re probably wondering when you could possibly find time to do that. But here’s something to try: after the kids have been put to bed and your daily work is done, just set five minutes aside to write about your day. This could be a summary of what has happened, but it should really try to focus on the positive things in your life, especially with an affirmation about how you will work towards your purpose the next day and the next.
Determine Your Motivation—It isn’t enough to want a change. Instead, you must determine why you are trying to change. Finding your motivation isn’t just for actors. It’s for everybody. If you want to lose weight, one of the first things you would want to know is why you’re doing it. Do you really need to lose weight? Is it because you are starting to have health problems from obesity? Are you motivated to do this because you want to be healthier for your children? These are the questions that, when answered, will help make your goal more attainable. And it goes to the heart of any major change that you want to make in your life.
No More Excuses—Another thing holding you back from finding your purpose is that so many of us make excuses. We say, “We would if we had the time,” or, “If we didn’t have so much work to do;” you know these excuses. But you should realize that lots of people have similar workloads and somehow accomplish their goals. If they can find the time, then so can you. And that also takes this into another area—you have a support network all around you if you know how to tap into it. All of us have other people who are searching for their purpose as well. They can help to give you the backing that you need in this endeavor.

This January, don’t just make a resolution that you will forget about in two weeks. Instead, begin a course of legitimate soul-searching and find your purpose in this life.

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